NEW YORK—Stressing that the memory seemed so fresh and vivid in their minds, the confused nation announced Monday that they could have sworn British entertainer Russell Brand was already a convicted sex offender. “Interesting...so Russell Brand definitely wasn’t already found guilty of sexual assault back in,…
They published another piece https://www.theonion.com/men-s-rights-activists-defend-russell-brand-1850850435
“He waved his hands enough in that video for me to consider him innocent.” - Gregory Marsh, Animal Control Officer
“I would stake my reputation on the fact that Russell Brand is a good man.”
Andrew Tate, Trafficker
Chefs kiss
“Look, I don’t know what to tell you, I love sexual assault and I hate women, and that’s just how it is.”
I recognized Andrew Tate and (obviously) Russell Brand in there. Were any of the others real people? I’m bettng there were probably at least a couple others I’m just too out of the loop to recognize.
Not that I noticed but who fking knows
My favorite was the last:
“His long hair and tight pants make him too feminine for me to view him with any empathy.”