lemmy.dexlit
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
seahorse [Ohio]M to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish • 2 years ago

Republicans Urge Americans To Look Away From McConnell Or Else They Too Shall Freeze

www.theonion.com

external-link
message-square
23
fedilink
694
external-link

Republicans Urge Americans To Look Away From McConnell Or Else They Too Shall Freeze

www.theonion.com

seahorse [Ohio]M to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish • 2 years ago
message-square
23
fedilink
WASHINGTON—Following the second press conference in five weeks during which the 81-year-old was temporarily unable to speak, Republicans warned Americans Thursday to look away from Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) lest they too should freeze. “Good people! Gaze not upon the senator’s visage or you may be struck dumb…
  • @DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    29•2 years ago

    Looking more and more like the thing from Pan’s Labyrinth every day…

    • @WarmSoda@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      18•
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      I’m a marine biologist. It’s obvious he’s moulting.
      Its his radical final moult, metamorphosing from an aquatic nymph to a winged adult

      • Dharma Curious
        link
        fedilink
        English
        9•2 years ago

        Is that why he must consume the souls of all the children? For energy for the metamorphosis?

        • @WarmSoda@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          4•2 years ago

          No, that’s silly.
          He consumes souls to power the deep machines in the darkness.

          • Dharma Curious
            link
            fedilink
            English
            2•2 years ago

            Ah, I see. And who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

            • @WarmSoda@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              English
              2•2 years ago

              I’m just a humble marine biologist.
              The sea was angry that day, my friends!

      • @FarceMultiplier@lemmy.ca
        link
        fedilink
        English
        5•2 years ago

        He has not yet attained his final formlessness.

    • @killeronthecorner@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      3•2 years ago

      I always thought he looked like a half filled balloon

The Onion@midwest.social

!theonion@midwest.social

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: !theonion@midwest.social

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

  • The Onion
  • Clickhole
  • McSweeney’s
  • Reductress
  • The Chaser
  • The Hard Times
    • The Hard Drive
  • The Needling
  • Tattletale Times
  • The Beaverton
  • 1.23K users / day
  • 2.16K users / week
  • 4.46K users / month
  • 12.3K users / 6 months
  • 6.38K subscribers
  • 1.52K Posts
  • 18.7K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • seahorse [Ohio]
  • pbrisgreat
  • BE: 0.19.3
  • Modlog
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org